Follow the Light

Leaving the warmth of your covers and your spouse to face a cold morning run is hard enough. But doing it on a cold, dark, damp, tulle fogged-in, November, valley morning has got to be one of my all time least favorite thing to do, the other would be getting up to a rainy, windy, race day. I was recently reminded of this a few weeks ago when I got my 16 year old daughter, Lauren, out of bed for the long run of ten miles, for her upcoming first half-marathon. It was the first dark morning run of the season and something I was putting off as long as possible! We shared the light of my headlamp as we picked our way over rocks and ruts in the canal road we followed to the reservoir. Once we were on the reservoir road all you could hear was the rhythm of our feet on the pavement following the light giving us about 10 feet of path to follow. With Lauren listening to her IPod there wasn't much conversation to take up the time. My headlamp light bounced in rhythm to my gait, elusively staying in front of me, hypnotizing me as I followed it. Time and space seemed to cease and my mind wandered as I recalled that same eerie feeling I experienced running the Tahoe Super Triple.

I had finished the preceding two marathons, one, the day before and one earlier that day. I had eaten and tried to rest for the 76 mile ultra around Lake Tahoe in preparation for the midnight start time. The first leg was emotionally hard for me because all the fast ultra runners were gone, out of my sight within minutes. I knew this would happen, but I still got that "left-behind-again" feeling I always dreaded. Even though I had prepared myself, it was hard to see them one by one pass and easily put space between me and the pack. The only consolation was that one or two other Super Triple runners were within sight, one in front and one behind me. As we wound our way through South Lake Tahoe, the lights and traffic of the night life kept me entertained, but as time went by and I headed up Highway 50 the occasional oncoming traffic was scary to face. Even though I was wearing reflective clothing, headlamp and other lights fastened on me, I knew by looking at the other runners, we weren't that visible. My headlamp would be the main thing that would alert the cars that I was running against them on the highway, the only thing that would keep me from getting hit...I made sure it shined upward so they could see it well in advance of coming up on me. Once off the highway, and we turned to head towards Tahoe City, there was nothing but darkness...no streetlights, no noise, nothing... just the sound of my feet, my breathing and the light of my headlamp. I couldn't even see any other runners. All the way, from about 4:00 in the morning until day break I felt alone with the exception of my support car every hour or so. Once I left it, after eating or drinking something, I would watch it drive away leaving me behind, not knowing exactly when I would see it again. I occupied miles with mind games, singing in my head, quoting scriptures, praying... I managed my mind, my stomach, my pace...following my light. Without seeing landmarks in the dark, its hard to tell how far you are going, even with keeping track of the minutes, you feel like you are suspended in time and space, going nowhere and nobody cares you are out there. There is only you and your headlamp. Its funny what becomes important to you at a time like this. All that matters is that you have food, water, and that your batteries will last until daybreak...nothing else... nothing but empty darkness. I felt tired, alone and wondered why I thought running this was a good idea. There seemed to be no end to the night, only the plod, plod, plod of my feet and my thoughts...but then, the light of my headlamp began to fade, I looked up. The sky was beginning to slightly glow and just as if someone turned on the lights, the sun was up. Once I realized where I was I was relieved. Just then, I heard a honk... the Tahoe Marathoners being bussed to their start in Tahoe City! They cheered and waved encouragingly as they drove by and I screamed and waved at my friend, Jennifer, hanging out of the window waving...I felt like a celebrity, a hard core runner I always admired, my energy soared! With renewed spirit I picked up my pace...I did it! I was almost there!... I smiled at those feelings of that morning, what a great new day that had been! When I looked up, I realized Lauren and I were already to the half-way point...my eyes had been so focused on the my light in front of me the miles had flown by. What is your light? The light that keeps you safe, that comforts you in dark times, that shows you the way? For me, it is the strength that comes for God, that shows me how to be a better, stronger person, that transforms me into something more than I can be on my own... "God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all." 1John1:5 "Ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in that dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts." 2 Peter 1:19 "But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin." 1John 1:7 Follow the Light!